You know what's a good book?

Spiritual leadership, that's what.

Written by J. Oswald Sanders (aka transcribed from a bunch of sermons he did for OMF) he talks about the charecteristics, habits, and developped traits of a good spiritual leader.

personally, I've only gotten through about 8 chapters of the book, but it's also because I keep stop reading because it's so convicting, chapter by chapter. The chapter that I just read was about the "essential characters of Leadership", and one of the things that he says in the chapter is that God gave everyone different talents to be used in different situations and circumstances... what makes great men like Hudson Taylor and Martin Luther stand out is their willingness to be devoted and disciplined in developping and comitting themselves to their gifts in seeing God's work done.

Now, I'm really lazy. I have no discipline. It's small wonder that I get anything done at all. The only reason that I did what I did so well in high school was because I was a keener with an enormous amount of external pressure forcing discipline upon me. But upon entering university, as those external pressures evaporated, so did my sense of discipline. I KNOW that i need to be disciplined... I know that I need to do my work... but for some reason there is no inner sense of discipline and drive to make me do what I need to do (so that I can enjoy what I want to do.) To borrow a Stephen Covey analogy, I put in the pebbles before the rocks, and so can't fit in the important things in my life.

Truth to tell, I don't know what to do. I don't really want to go back to relying on external pressures, although I'm sure that would help immensely. But at the same time, internal pressure seems to be weak or non-existant.

Well... I find that the best way to do something is to just get started and let the momentum of the work continue along the way. So that's what I'm going to go do right now. If y'all could pray for me that God would be that internal discipline that drives me to do the things that I have to do (and there is SO many things that I have to do at this point. Man....)