Me in a trenchcoat?

Now that's a scary thought.

Yet it was a scary thought that occurred to me today. As I was looking at Hannah's post about the Dawson College shooting, and as I considered my reaction to the gunman that did such a thing (I thought he was a... well a generally all around bad person and a hypocritical idiot to boot) after reading the Toronto Star article about him, I thought to myself that I'm just as capable of such hatred, anger and violence that this guy had pent up in him.

In fact (and please don't let this scare you away from me, for the grace of God is much stronger than these feelings, besides which I haven't felt such feelings since... like grade 6), but I can still remember wanting to go and grab a blunt (or sharp) object and repeatedly hit people with it. In earnest. And if a gun was nearby, I would have liked to grab it and shoot said person. I have to admit that I've even often become so angry that even people that were my friends seemed to be against me (maybe that's why these crazy people shoot people that have been nice to them as well.)

Now that you all think I'm certifiably crazy and are reaching for a phone to call the police to lock me away for being a crazy maniac that will go on a shooting spree at some point in the future, I will continue by saying that however, there are so many people that love me, that have demonstrated they love me, and most of all God it known that he loves me, that I could not possibly do such things as were mentioned above. I have the good blessings to have had parents and friends that taught me the meaning of forgiveness and compassion. I have the honour of knowing such fine and amazing people as yourselves (yes you, the readers of this post... for I don't know if any strangers actually read this). I have the blessed assurance that even if all seem to turn away from me, that God has promised he will never turn his back on me.

Yes, people are scumbags. Yes, people treat each other like dirt. Yes people treat ME like dirt and it annoys me. But above and beyond all that, the most important being in the entire universe, in all of existance, and in all of history loved me in the past, loves me know, and will forever love me no matter what I do to him. And it is because of this love that I am able to love Him back. It is because of this love that I am able to love others.

It's like the song says "It's the mystery of the universe/you're the God of holiness/yet you welcome souls like me" or "Father, I can't explain this kind of love/this kind of grace/I know/I still break your heart and yet you come/to welcome me"

And so, "This is a song of praise to you/for who you are/and all that you do"